Soul Food

I feel immensely nourished today. I spent yesterday devouring Soul Food - not the type you'll find at a Mississippi barbecue, but the type that literally nourishes your soul. Sharing with people who I know have got my back - it never fails to top up my tanks.

I have these two great friends. For the purposes of anonymity, we'll call the first one Scarlett - which she would absolutely love because she loves all things red. Scarlett used to live quite near me - "nineteen corners" in fact, which is how my little munchkin measured distance back in those days - and some years ago she packed her family up, and moved up the coast to be near her sister and mum. Of course, a move up the coast is a fabulous dream for most people, the fact that she made it reality is a blessing for her and her little crew - but, quite frankly, it's shitty to have someone I consider a sister move so far away. It's a 2-hour drive, so it's a major effort to see her - let's just say it doesn't happen during school term when we both have to be at the school gate at 3 for pick-up.

So it's a real treat to see Scarlett. We chat online, but it's never the same as a face-to-face gasbag. And for some reason, our school holiday meet-ups are always at the other friend's house - not sure if I should call her Sparkly, or Miss Pink, she would be in fits & giggles at either of those pseudonyms - but I love hanging at Miss Pink's house because it's spacious, and uncluttered, and warm in temperature and in welcome, and I always feel at home around her table or on her couch.

So I spent today, with my little mite tearing around Miss Pink's backyard in cahoots with with her little fella, chatting, drinking endless glasses of water and cups of tea, eating scrummy sandwiches, and generally having my heart and soul topped up by people who love me and believe in me.

And a couple of awesome things happened. Firstly, the told me that they've read my blog. I actually have READERS! They told me some other great stuff too. But the thing I'm going to tell you about, Miss Pink didn't even know about.

You see, the singles scene scares the crap out of me. I can't think of anything more horrific than dating - except, perhaps, eventually letting someone into my heart. The idea just fills me with dread and makes me want to run a million miles. There are a few reasons - what if I meet someone who's really awesome at first, and then turns into an angry, hostile, sullen man with a mid-life crisis? In other words, what if my next relationship is a repeat of my marriage? If a guy is "on the market" so to speak, my initial reaction is to think, "Of COURSE it's because there's something wrong with him, WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM???" Add to this that my faith in my own judgement in people has been pretty much shattered, and I'd rather be stabbed in the eye than consider a new relationship.

Then there are the horror stories about post-divorce dating. Two-timers, users and abusers, those who have horror stories about their "frankenspouse," but upon closer inspection, it's actually them that's the damaged, freaky one. Friends my age who are on the dating scene can rattle off horror stories as quickly as they order their drinks at whatever bar they happen to frequent. It's not an inviting place for someone who never thought they'd have to navigate a first date ever again.

And that's where Miss Pink has given me hope.

You see, a few short years ago, Miss Pink was in a really similar boat to the one I find myself in now. With 3 boys, the youngest one just a baby, she found herself single, and I can only imagine, the fears and pain she held were probably identical to mine. And yet, here she is a few short years later, with a gentle, kind, thoughtful partner who loves her and her kids, and who brings wood in for the fire. I even told him - "there's nothing more attractive than a man with wood". You can take or leave the double entendre. But he steps up when needed, he acts with kindness and consideration, and he thinks not just about himself, but about Miss Pink and her 3 great kids. In short, he's just what everyone says they want in a partner.

Of course, Miss Pink is not the only person I know who's found happiness post-breakup. But it's great to see what she, and some of my other friends, have found in the battlefield that is "mature-age" dating. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure it won't be laughs all the way, but she has reminded me that, when the time is right, it might just be worth having a go, and maybe I'll find some kindness and love in a person who, for once, might make me smile. It's been a long time, but it might just be worth looking forward to.